I said to my son today "I'm having trouble coming up with something to blog about...any ideas?" His response was "How about Mommy's garlic breath?"...We both cracked up and I told him "I've already written about that any other ideas?" and he had nothing...So here I sit in my upstairs office with nothing to blog about...until...Nope still nothing...I have a serious case of writer's block and I'm hoping by typing nonsense that it will go away...I guess I'll tell you a story...Not many people know this story and the names will be withheld for protection of the parties involved...
About 5 or 6 years ago, some friends and I decided to take a weekend road trip to of all places Cincinnati, Ohio (tell me about it...LAME)...we had a plan though...Cincy for 1 long day, then drive to Pittsburgh for 2 days and then back to Detroit...Here was the itinerary...(Friday) Drive straight to the golf course and play 18 holes, then head to the hotel for dinner and head over to the baseball park for the Cincinnati Reds game against the Washington Nationals...The next morning (Saturday), load up the truck...drive to the hotel in Pittsburgh...walk over to the PNC Park to watch the Pirates play whoever they were playing that night and the next day (Sunday) golf early in the morning and drive home directly after...The end of the trip went well...It was the beginning that didn't go quite as planned...This is the story of a 4 man stadium tour gone bad, but oh so good...
Three of us met up at my house early on that Friday morning and did a quick shot of apple pucker (I know...it's not the most manly shot in the world, but it was like 6:00 am and it was all we could handle right then)...We headed out and picked up the fourth member of the group...Now, I knew everybody that was going and so did my one friend...the other two had never met each other...so after a quick introduction we were on our way...We decided to separate the two that had never met, figuring it would make for easier conversation on the road...So one rode shotgun and the other rode in the back (this is really hard without names)...Let's just use aliases...I'm still Kevin and I'm driving...Melvin is riding in the back with Bill...and Bob is riding shotgun...Bill and Bob have never met...Me and Melvin know everybody...(Ok that's a little easier)...Just for the record, at the time, Melvin smoked a lot of pot...that will be an issue later :)
So off we go...music is playing everybody is having a great time, the weather is awesome and we are all trash talking each other about the upcoming golf match...Life is Good! So Melvin says "Hey I have this sweet radar detector that you should use" and he gets it out for me...I have to back up for one second...before we left, he smoked some pot in the backyard...Ok, back to the story...I plug in the radar detector and he tells me that it is the best one on the market and there is no way a cop can catch you speeding...unless they are pacing you (let me say that again UNLESS THEY ARE PACING YOU)...So in to Ohio we go with a truck full of golf clubs and a cooler full of beer that Bob was drinking in the front seat (surprisingly, this was not an issue...however, it would have been if more pressing issues didn't arise...the plot will thicken)...I can remember this moment as clear as day...I look in the rearview mirror and all I see is a white semi-truck with orange trim, so I speed up to about 87mph...about three minutes later, I look in the rearview again and I still see the white semi-truck, but this time in front of him and directly behind me was an Ohio State Trooper logo on the front end of a Ford Crown Victoria with it's lights flashing and sirens blaring...I slide over to the right lane figuring that I'll just get out of his way and let him pass to get whatever bad guy is up the road...After all, we had the most bad ass radar detector in the land and there is no way he could be there for us...So I switch lanes and so does he...Ok, no problem right? I'll just pull off the road, get a quick speeding ticket, I'll apologize and we'll be on our way...it's about 10:30 am at this point and our tee time is at 12:30(ish)...we won't even be late for that...I'm confident that the situation will go smoothly...UNTIL...I start smelling burning pot in the car! (I had just finished telling Bob and Bill a story about another road trip where Melvin started eating weed when we got pulled over, so I couldn't believe what was happening)...As the officer approached the car I looked back and Melvin had opened up his cigarette pack was eating the roach that he had stored in it, from the joint he had smoked before we left!! The truck absolutely reeked of weed...(Are you kidding me? We just went over this...There was absolutely no reason for him to be eating the pot right now...all we were getting pulled over for was speeding!)
"License and registration please...AND can you please step out of the vehicle"...Now I know damn well that you don't get asked to get out of the vehicle for a speeding ticket...I was hoping this was about the beer cans on Bob's side, but it wasn't...The officer escorted me back to the squad car and says "I smell pot in your vehicle...Is there any marijuana in your vehicle?"..."Not that I know of officer"..."Kevin, I'm going to read you your rights and you don't have to say one word, but after I read you your rights I'm going to ask you one more time...<insert Miranda Rights>...now, do you have any marijuana in your vehicle?"..."Officer, I don't think so"..."Last time Mr. Caul and if you tell me no and I find some, you are going to jail for the weekend...is there any marijuana in your vehicle?"..."Honestly officer, there might be, but I'm not sure"...Ok, here is the thing...I knew damn well that there was more pot in the car...but I was doing my best to protect Melvin...I tried like hell, but when he said I was going to jail I figured I would lighten up a bit and hope for the best...So I watch him walk back to the truck...He asks Bob "Do you have any Marijuana?"..."No sir, I do not" (poor Bob, he wasn't ready for all of this)...He asks Bill "Do you have any marijuana?"...No sir, I don't smoke it (Bill was bummed out)...This shit was getting serious, all over a little roach...Meanwhile there are 3 or 4 empty beer cans on the passenger floor that nobody even cares about...So the officer ask Melvin, "Do you have any Marijuana?" and I see the driver's side rear door open up...I'm watching all of this from the back of the squad car and I see Melvin and the officer walk to the back of the truck, open up the tailgate and get his suitcase out...The funniest thing about it was that one of my golf shirts fell out of the tailgate and Melvin stopped everything to pick it up and hang it back up for me...A true friend...So he eventually opens his suitcase and pulls out a ziploc bag with 7 rolled joints...I'm thinking "Holy shit! We're going to jail this weekend...How do I explain this to my wife?"...So here comes Melvin with the officer and he joins me in the back of the cop car...We look at each other and immediately start laughing...Melvin says "Kev...we've been through a whole lot of things together, but this is the first time we've ever been in the back of a cop car together"...I agreed and we gave each other a "low five"...we had to do a "low five" because we didn't want the cop to see us "high five" (I'm not sure why we thought the situation was so cool, but I think deep down we knew we were just some all around good guys going on a golf trip with a little pot)...So, the pig officer was back at the truck by this time and another squad car had pulled up behind us...We watched the officer escort Bob and Bill to the back of the other car and I say to Melvin "The best part is that they just met each other and now they're in the back of a cop car together" we both lost it and started laughing pretty hard again! So both cops are going through the truck looking for more drugs and of course they don't find any so the initial officer makes his way back to the squad car and sits down to run our IDs...Melvin says "So what's going to happen officer? We have a 12:30 tee time are we still going to make it?"...It was all I could do at this point to not burst out laughing...and the officer says "Where are you playing?"...we tell him and he says "It shouldn't be a problem, luckily you had all of the pot rolled up so we can only charge you with a misdemeanor...you'll have to follow us (meaning him and Melvin) to the gas station to get a money order to pay the fine and you'll be on your way"...WOW! We were getting off with only a misdemeanor for Melvin and a speeding ticket for me...No mention of the beer cans and we were still going to make the tee time!
So we follow him and Melvin and pay the fine...AND make it to the golf course in time to tee off...Golf was pretty uneventful until the 17th hole when a tornado blew into town and blew us right off of the course...We got completely soaked...So we rushed into the clubhouse and all dried off before heading to the hotel...While Bob was still in the clubhouse, Me, Bill and Melvin run out into the downpour to get the truck and pull up pretty close to the door and wait for Bob...We see the clubhouse door open and watch Bob come running full speed at the truck and then he disappears and we hear a big thump against the truck...about 5 seconds later up pops Bob from under the truck and he climbs in the passenger side...He says "I banged my shin on your running boards and it's really sore and swollen...I'm on blood thinners man, this could be real bad"...Now, I'm thinking...Perfect, we almost go to jail, get caught in a tornado and now we might have to rush Bob to the hospital because his shin literally looks like it has a tennis ball growing in it!...Bob tells us it should be cool so just head to the hotel...So we do...
Part 2 Tomorrow...Believe me there's more!
See Ya'll...KC
No comments:
Post a Comment