My wife is currently working on a deal to sell a home and the buyer happens to be another real estate agent...An asian one at that...Not that being asian is a bad thing, but they are not always the best people to negotiate with and they are way too bossy...So get this, without getting too into detail, he sent an email yesterday at 7:30 pm and my wife didn't respond right away figuring it was after hours and she'll deal with the pain in the ass later...At 1:35 am our home phone rings (we use it as an office phone too)...Naturally, I am not rushing out of bed at 1:35 to answer it...So our machine picks up and the caller doesn't leave a message...The phone rings again...at this point I'm still not committed to getting out of bed...the machine picks up again...no message...Phone rings again...At this point I'm thinking "uh oh, somebody is dead, seriously injured or in jail"...So I jump out of bed and head downstairs to the office...I don't make it in time to answer...The machine picks up...No message...The phone rings again and I answer..."Hello"...and this little frickin asian asshole voice says "Is a Teeena there?" like it's 2 in the afternoon...I say "Are you frickin' kidding me right now?"..."No, I need to speak a with a Teeena"..."At 2 in the morning are you crazy? Who is this?" (I knew damn well who it was, because when I got out of bed Tina said I bet its the Fu**in asian guy)...He says "I am a client of hers"...I ask him "Why the hell would you call her at 2 in the morning?...she is sleeping and there is no way I'm waking her up for you!"...He hangs up with no apology or anything...I couldn't believe it...this S.O.B. just woke me up and got my blood going so much that there was no way I could even think of falling back asleep...When I went back to bed my wife asked who it was and when I told her she started laughing to the point where she couldn't breathe...I didn't think it was quite so funny, but we were both blown away that this little Bruce Lee would have the balls to call our home at practically 2:00 am...I am looking at our caller ID right now and he called at 10:23, 10:24, 10:28, 10:33, 1:36, 1:37, 1:38 and 1:39...So I debated for an hour and a half last night on how to pay him back...here were my options at the time...it started out with...I could post his phone number on facebook and have his phone ring off the hook (I still may do that)...I could call him every night at 2:00 am just for fun...(here's where things progressed a little)...I thought about throwing a brick through his car window (I was mad)...I even imagined him coming to our front door and me threatening him with a bread knife (seriously...I started thinking about jabbing him with the sharp points on the front of the knife and holding the serrated edge to his neck...hey, it was 2 in the morning, my imagination was running wild...cut me some slack :))...I even thought that he might know karate and he would get the knife from me somehow...talk about stereotypes...I know I should let it go, but the fact that he is asian makes me want to keep it going...I know that sounds horrible and I have some asian friends (not many, but some...ok I can think of one...and a couple phillipinos...yes I know they're asian, but I'm thinking chinese when I say asian)...Isn't it funny that when you make a racist comment that you follow it up with "I have <insert race> friends"...I don't know what it is about the damn chinese, they bum me out a little bit...If any of you are asian I apologize, but this dude got my blood going...I'm sure you are not all like him...I should stop while I'm ahead...This one blog will keep me from ever running for public office :)
I can see it now:
Reporter: "So Candidate Caul, you say you are for the people...meanwhile you blog about asians referring to them as Bruce Lee(s)...and stabbing them with bread knives...How do you explain that?"
Me: "Well, I uhhh...uhhh...ummmm" (in the voice of Beavis and Butthead)!!
Chinese Crowd: "GET HIM...ding dong ding dong...ching-a-ling a ling long"
(Oh this could be trouble...It's been nice knowing you all...Hey, I've said it before, this blog is an open book...raw kevin tonight :))
I had another thought today...and I'm sure we've all been in this situation before...When a subject comes up that you care absolutely nothing about, but the person you are with cares an awful lot about it...and they start explaining it to you in depth...How do you tell them to politely shut up and leave because I don't care what you are saying?...I can't tell you how much this happens to me...and maybe it's my fault for being a little self-centered, but I don't want to waste my time listening to some crap that I would pay you to not tell me about...I'm serious, there are times that I would pull out a twenty dollar bill to have somebody stop talking to me...kind of like this blog...haha...you can send me a check and I'll stop right away :) But honestly, I can tell when a person that I am talking to isn't really paying attention...as soon as I realize it, I speed up the story to ultra light speed and let them off the hook...That's the polite thing to do! I don't want to be the guy that people say "uh oh, here comes Kevin...he talks too much about some bullshit...let's go get some coffee before he sees us"...I want to be the guy that people say "Here comes Kevin, let's see what he has to say...cuz he is straight to the point and hates to talk too much"
And while I'm on the subject of talking again, I'm never really sure of the correct body language to tell somebody that I've had enough...I try to look away...that doesn't work, especially with a "super talker"...I even try the rude "mmm hmmm" (my grandma is famous for the "mmm hmmm" move)...Nothing works for me...I'm a magnet for talkers...Maybe it's because when I see people I think to myself "please don't talk to me...no, no, no...don't come over here...oh shit here they come...Heyyyyy, long time no see"...I get stuck a lot and I'm not rude in person, only in my mind, so they never get the hint to stop...The Caul side of my family kind of have an unspoken motto and I try to use it as my pre-closing line for conversations...It is "Hey, What are ya gonna do?" and then I give a deep breath and look away in hopes that the conversation ends...Do people know that cliches and a deep breath are the end of a conversation or is that just me?..."Six of one...Half dozen of the other...<deep breath>...See ya" or "A bird in the hand, right?...<deep breath>...and Scene". See, you don't even have to finish the cliche it should work like a charm, but not always :) I wish I could just do like my five year old...when he's had enough of a conversation he says "I'm done now...bye bye"...Oh, dealing with people...it's such a science!!
Until next time...Watch out for the talkative asians :)
See Ya'll...KC
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