A few weeks ago we went to dinner at our neighbor's (Dave and Jennifer) house...nothing fancy, just spaghetti and beer...and while we were eating, a discussion came up about the grocery store (Harris Teeter)...I happened to mention that there is an old guy...probably 65-70ish yrs old named Fred who is without question the world's slowest bagger. If Fred is bagging in any lane I avoid it like the plague and hope to God that a worker doesn't tell me that his lane is open...I feel bad because I think at some point he may have had a stroke or something, but at the same time he should be relegated to collecting the carts from the parking lot if that's the case (that's more his speed). Anyway, my buddy Dave reminded me that he used to bag groceries back in the day...he tells me that when he goes to Harris Teeter he won't let anybody bag his groceries and says that while he was there on that day he challenged one of the employees (Paul) to a "bag off". Paul declines, but one of the managers who we refer to as "Red" (he has reddish hair, an abnormally pink face and I hate to say it, but we mentioned that he probably has an extremely pink wiener as well (childish, I know)) tells Dave that there is a bagging competition at the store the next morning at 10:00am.
As the night progresses, we are having a great time playing Rock Band, drinking beer and having a jolly time. Every once and a while Dave mentions (with genuine excitement) the bagging competition and says he is going in the morning...somehow I gave off the vibe that I would go with him...and after more beer I started getting just as excited as he was (the vibe was electric...and easy to get caught up in :)). So as midnight-ish approaches we call it a night and my wife and I walk home completely buzzed with our five year old still wide awake (great parenting right?) and not giving a thought to waking up for a trip to Harris Teeter.
Saturday Morning: 9:40 AM...I have literally been out of bed for 10 minutes and while sitting on the couch I hear "bang bang bang" on the front door...Tina yells "It's Dave" and runs upstairs to put a bra on...I answer the door and he says "What's up dude? Are you ready for Harris Teeter?"...now I had totally forgotten about the bagging competition, but I said I was "in" and to be honest with you...I WAS a little excited about it. So, I throw on some jeans and a hat and we are out the door...as we are walking to the car, I find out that Dave made a sign that read "This is Paul's House"...he was really fired up! It was at this point where I thought "I sure hope this bagging competition is a big deal...because if we walk in with a sign...we're gonna look like a couple of total LOSERS :)"
The Arrival: 9:55 AM...We pull in to the grocery store and after very short debate make an executive decision to leave the "sign" in the car...just in case...(greatest decision we have EVER made)...As we walk in and look around it seems to be business as usual and we don't see any sign of a bagging competition. I ask Dave "Are you sure that first of all they said 10:00 and secondly they definitely said THIS Harris Teeter?" he says "Yes"...again thank goodness the sign is in the car...So we decide that we need to ask an employee, but for sure not one of the cute girls and definitely not one of the dudes...so we see a black girl in aisle 7 who looks safe enough to ask (her being black doesn't have that much to do with it, but I need to paint an accurate picture...besides if we were gonna ask about a bagging contest I think we both assumed that a black girl would give us a yay or nay and go back to her business...boy were we wrong)...We approach her and as Dave asks "Hey, I was told there is a bagging competition this morning...", I decide it's a good time to go into "pretend to be looking for something to buy" mode (I can see the writing on the wall and am trying to look like the "not quite as interested guy")...So the girl says "I haven't heard about one, but let me go up front and check"...those were the words we definitely did not want to hear...I still don't know why we just didn't say "No, it's cool...obviously we have some bad info"...Dammit, we should have said that.
She heads up front and we look at each other like "uh-oh...we're gonna look like some total goofs"...As she is upfront, my wife calls and says to get dish soap...Now, this puts me in a little bit of a pickle...If there actually is a bagging competition I'm okay with buying the soap, but if not...it's gonna look like a desperate attempt to save face..."oh look at this guy trying to buy something to pretend he wasn't here for a BAGGING CONTEST".
So...I get the soap and we head upfront...the black girl is up there talking with the cute girls, managers and "Paul the bagger" LAUGHING! One of the girls walks away from the conversation giggling saying "yeah, it's at 10:00 haha". They are ALL looking at us! The funny thing though is that the black girl isn't quite sure what's going on either (she was either new or not in on the apparent joke) We quickly realize that we look like complete assholes...and to make things worse, I still have to pay for the soap. Needless to say, I used the self-checkout lane and walk out with my head down and tail tucked.
As we leave the store, I say to Dave "Could you imagine if we had brought in the F***ing sign?"...he gives me a look that says "No shit...not only are we forever known as the two thirty-somethings that came to see a bagging contest, but we took the time to make a sign for a fat 17yr old bagger named Paul" At this point it is becoming comical to us and we are still a little unsure if we just got "punked" or if there really was a competition...we started second guessing ourselves like "maybe it just hasn't started yet"..we never did get a straight answer, just giggles and the one girl's comment about it starting at 10:00...Hell, the black girl didn't know either...We even go so far as to google "Harris Teeter Bagging Competition" on my Blackberry in hopes that there would be results from past competitions...haha...I'm laughing just thinking about it!
Here's the thing...we both consider ourselves pretty "cool" and were hoping it was going to be like the competition in the movie "Employee of the Month", but instead every time we walk into Harris Teeter on Kildaire Farm road...we will hear "There they are...the bagging competition guys"...I guess that's what I get for avoiding poor Fred.
So the moral of the story is..."Just when you think you're cool, the jokes on you and the black girl"...and for the record when you google Harris Teeter Bagging Competition you get a link to a contest where Harris Teeter employees can win a contest to have their dog's picture on a bag of dog food...PERFECT!
THANK GOD WE DIDN'T BRING THE SIGN!!!
KC
That is too funny!
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